Have you ever considered changing your name to:
"I will force you to be an adult. I will force you to make decisions and walk the paths you don't want to walk, but need to walk, and I'll be on one side of the fence standing on grass that appears to be dead, coarse, boring and uninviting, but you will come stand next to me, even though you'll be unhappy and will second-guess yourself quite a bit because of that unsettling feeling of remorse and misery deep inside of you but I will not release you from this agony because that type of relief "just takes time", as my old friend Reality likes to say. I have nothing to offer you in terms of instant gratification. I can, however, offer you nostalgia and a lonely walk in the opposite direction of the personplaceorthing that offers temporary satisfaction. There will be times you will love me because of the benefits you reap as a result of keeping me as your Chief of Counsel, but you will often forget those moments and your appreciation for me will seem like a myth. Therefore, you will hate me...again. Contradicting and confusing, I understand, but hey, I don't make the rules...well, actually I do. Ha!!" ?
"I will force you to be an adult. I will force you to make decisions and walk the paths you don't want to walk, but need to walk, and I'll be on one side of the fence standing on grass that appears to be dead, coarse, boring and uninviting, but you will come stand next to me, even though you'll be unhappy and will second-guess yourself quite a bit because of that unsettling feeling of remorse and misery deep inside of you but I will not release you from this agony because that type of relief "just takes time", as my old friend Reality likes to say. I have nothing to offer you in terms of instant gratification. I can, however, offer you nostalgia and a lonely walk in the opposite direction of the personplaceorthing that offers temporary satisfaction. There will be times you will love me because of the benefits you reap as a result of keeping me as your Chief of Counsel, but you will often forget those moments and your appreciation for me will seem like a myth. Therefore, you will hate me...again. Contradicting and confusing, I understand, but hey, I don't make the rules...well, actually I do. Ha!!" ?
In the event you do take this into serious consideration, your Application for Name Change has been completed by me, pre-approved and it sits on my desk. I can have it couriered over for your signature.
...I mean really!! Can't you just stay home for one day? Must you monitor my every move and encounter? Can't you take a break?
Sincerely, You Know Who
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