ROMANCE DOESNT COST MONEY

Romance Doesn't Cost Money

MartinLuthaDaKang

Dear Ivy...

(source)

Truth Ruth

Yuck!

I'm one of those people - "Remove your shoes, please".  Not when you enter my house, but absolutely before you enter my bedroom. You know, it's not because I'm particularly fond of my carpeting and afraid of it being soiled.  My issue lies with  ...THE GERMS!! 

Let's think about this:  

After you have walked the

filthy streets...

through miscellaneous

disease puddles 

and pools of spit 

 

...secretions

of an expansive variety of animals, and...

the regurgitations 

and muck of sloppy drunken idiots...

...you want to sashay into my personal oasis and grind that accumulation into my floor? *cringe* Ebola; Anthrax; Hoof & Mouth Disease; SARS? Sewage, for the love of Pete!?! I can't allow it.

To be perfectly honest, I don't even like the idea of shoes in the bathroom. It just doesn't seem right.

M.Y.O.B.

I witnessed some bullying on a natural hair online community. This poor girl was expressing her contemplation of relaxing her hair because she didn't have the time, patience and funds to invest in her hair. Instead of encouraging her to keep at it, everyone jumped all over this poor girl's case. It was ridiculous the way she was piled upon.  I sent her a private message and told her to do that which best suited her lifestyle. I did share with her my frustrations with my own tempestuous hair and assured her that it gets better and easier, as do most new endeavors in life. But ultimately, she needed to do whatever her life would accommodate.  And I say the same to all new and veteran natural-haired chicas.

Listen, I understand the enthusiasm and comradery that natural hair brings.  I also get being zealous over loving your natural self.  Yo, I'm on it! I preach the same things. But I also understand it may not be for everyone. And that's ok. We are all allowed and supposed to be different.  

*stepping on soapbox* And what makes zero sense to me are those naturals who declare that they are happy with what God gave them and are no longer gonna hide their natural kinks, curls and coils and with vigor, they scorn those who do relax, texturize or get extensions and claim that it is “self-hate” and label them "fake"....all the while,  their face is smothered and shellacked with a crap load of makeup and gunk. Is it not the same thing? Isn’t that the same principle--“artificial enhancement and/or alteration”? God didn't give you that NARS Bronzer on your rouged cheeks! I don't recall Him handing out MAC eyelashes on the side of the gene pool either. Really?  Crimson Kiss Red lips? To all of you natural beauties...at the makeup counter, here's a little something for you. Take your pick and leave everyone else alone. *sliding soapbox under the desk*

For the last 6 or so summers I'd grow my relaxer out and wear my hair curly. And when I was over it, I'd relax it and/or weave or braid it up and revisit the curls again the next summer.  Why? Because relaxers never really worked for me. No matter what I used, my hair would always wave or curl back up, which is always worse in these humid New England summers. It was very difficult for me to keep a straight style for over a week without intense chemical/product or heat manipulation, which just left my hair limp and soggy. My last relaxer was 2008 and that winter I cut it all off. In 2009, I stopped the torture and released this hair to the wild for good. I do believe that I'm natural for life now. I won't relax my hair again because when it was chemically altered, it was just lifeless. Plus, I had less versatility. Knowing me, I may wanna blow it out on Tuesday then rock my curly fro 3 days later then a wig or weave the next week.  I need those options. I get better results following my own desires.  Fortunately for me, this is MY hair on MY head in MY life.

I remember when my boyfriend at time first saw this curly stuff on my head. We began dating the fall before so I was already growing my hair back and he had only seen me in braids. Well, that morning when I walked into his house, he just looked and didn’t’ say a word.  As he was lugging in groceries from my car, he still said nothing but I kept catching him glancing at my head. LOL Mind you, it's not my character to ask what someone thinks of my hair or clothes or shoes because if I'm rocking it, I must be satisfied. And that settles it.  Anyway, I walked into his kitchen to start making our breakfast. Silent Sam was just watching from the kitchen table.  As I'm standing at his sink rinsing a dish or something, he walks close to me and in my ear sings…“Just let your Soul Glo! Just let it shine through!!!! I looked at him and we died laughing. LOLOL That crap was funny.

Were my feelings hurt? Nope! Why? Because I liked it.  And later he admitted that he did too.

Yeah...me too, Corinne :)

Ooh, you’re searching for something I know won’t make you happy
Ooh, you’re thirsting for something I know won’t make you happy
Ooh, you did it all again, you broke another skin
It’s hard to believe this time, hard to believe
That my heart, my hearts an open door...
You got all you came for, baby
So weary,

someone to love is bigger than your prides worth
Is bigger than the pain you got for it hurts
And out runs all of the sadness
It’s terrifying, life, through the darkness
And I’d do it all again, I’d do it all again
I’d do it all again, I’d do it all again
You try sometimes but it won’t stop
You got my heart and my heads lost, ooh yeah
I’ve been burning down these candles for love, for love
So weary, someone to love is bigger than your pride
Ooh, someone to love, someone to love, someone to love
Ooh, you’re searching for something I know, won’t make you happy
Ooh

"Dillian"

BELOVED, the briefest words are best;
And all the fine euphonious ways
In which the truth has been expressed
Since Adam's early Eden days,
Could never match the simple phrase, --
Sweetheart, I love you!

If I should say the world were blank
Without your face; if I should call
The stars to witness, rank on rank,
That I am true although they fall, -
'T would mean but this, -- and this means all, --
Sweetheart, I love you!

And so, whatever change is wrought,
By time or fate, delight or dole,
One single, happy, helpful thought
Makes strong and calm my steady soul,
And these sweet words contain the whole, --
Sweetheart, I love you!

I will not wrong their truth to-day
By wild, impassioned vows of faith,
Since all that volumes could convey
Is compassed thus in half a breath,
Which holds hallows life and death, --
Sweetheart, I love you!

Elizabeth Akers Allen

Dear Responsibility,

Have you ever considered changing your name to:

"I will force you to be an adult. I will force you to make decisions and walk the paths you don't want to walk, but need to walk, and I'll be on one side of the fence standing on grass that appears to be dead, coarse, boring and uninviting, but you will come stand next to me, even though you'll be unhappy and will second-guess yourself quite a bit because of that unsettling feeling of remorse and misery deep inside of you but I will not release you from this agony because that type of relief "just takes time", as my old friend Reality likes to say. I have nothing to offer you in terms of instant gratification. I can, however, offer you nostalgia and a lonely walk in the opposite direction of the personplaceorthing that offers temporary satisfaction. There will be times you will love me because of the benefits you reap as a result of keeping me as your Chief of Counsel, but you will often forget those moments and your appreciation for me will seem like a myth. Therefore, you will hate me...again. Contradicting and confusing, I understand, but hey, I don't make the rules...well, actually I do. Ha!!" ?

In the event you do take this into serious consideration, your Application for Name Change has been completed by me, pre-approved and it sits on my desk. I can have it couriered over for your signature.

...I mean really!! Can't you just stay home for one day? Must you monitor my every move and encounter? Can't you take a break?

Sincerely, You Know Who

March 2 - March 7

Re-Post & Update: Sign Me Up...

I've always been fascinated by Sign Language. I remember seeing a couple signing at Great Adventures and I wished so badly that I could be a part of the conversation. I wanted to Sign! It seemed so mysterious & exotic. Almost like a secret language. I always watch intently at the response of the other person. Are they nodding in agreement? Trying to interject? Watching the other person's hands or making eye contact? Is only one deaf? Is this easy, happy conversation or debate? Are they lovers? Seems so intimate - 'I have to give u my undivided attention for this conversation to work.' Amazing.

Perhaps I shouldn't romanticize this system of communication. After all, those who sign are not doing it by choice. It's a sensitive mechanism learned for a purpose, not for fun and certainly not for my amusement, thank you very much. Am I being patronizing for wanting to watch & thinking it's fantastic? No, I don't believe so. I am grateful that I don't have a need to sign, but I love it nonetheless. So I am gonna continue to watch! Discretely, of course.

Know what else I love? French! Never have I heard the sentence "That croissant would be much better if you warmed it and added butter" sound so sophisticated, sexy. So regal, elegant!I could watch French Kiss 10 times in a day just to hear Juliette say "Enchanté" and to hear her convo with Luke. So delicious. I love the scene near the end when Meg is dancing with Charlie in the french restaurant and he asks to come back home. No, not because it's such a pivotal part of the movie but because the song playing the background. It's Les Yeux Ouverts (Dream A Little Dream of Me) by Beautiful South. I have it on my computers and my MP3 player. I love jazz, but jazz IN French! Oooh Dahlin'! LOL Hey, it's the small things, ya know! LOL

Both of these languages capture my full attention. Therefore, I will be registering at Adult Education for Conversational French & Sign Language Basics. Woo-Hoo! The Fall semester of Adult Ed begins next week and ends Dec. 19. Only $75 for 10 sessions. I've actually been thinking of taking the Sign Language class at Adult Ed for a couple of years but never did. Lo and behold, the Adult Ed calendar came in the mail last week. Registration is in 3 days. I almost missed it. Now I just have to choose which language to take first because they're both on Thurs evening classes at the same time.

I told my Rae (my fantastic sister) that I wanted to take Sign Language. She looked at me like "why in the world do u need to learn Sign Language?". She may have also laughed at me. I told her im gonna cuss her out in Sign Language all day long. Sorta like when Celie told Mister that she and her kids were gonna curse him in African languages. LOL I also told her that the next time we go to the church my father, im gonna go stand next to the lady that translates the sermon in Sign Language and do all the signs I learned in class while she's translating. LOL They better not question me either! Watch! I'm gonna go right over to the corner and show 'em what I got!

Heaven help me, I can see them calling security right now! LOL

"Yes, Sis. Jones. The Pastor did too just say 'My name is Ivy. I have three apples. I live in New Haven."

UPDATE: Wow! Thanks for your emails! I didn't know people were actually interested! LOL I haven't started the classes yet b/c I missed the registration for the Fall/Winter semester but I think I'm gonna register for the Spring classes. I'll keep you all updated. Hope you have a great holiday!!!

Mirror, Mirror on The Wall...

Jack Nicholson said a mouthful, boy. Something many of us need to realize. "You can't handle the truth!"What would be your response? "Yes I Can! You don't know me! " or did you think "Hmph, you got that right Jack!"? I don't remember what my answer was back then but today, my answer is Try Me! I'll take cold hard truth over anything else any day. I seriously need it. I'm getting too old for those faithful but faulty rose colored contact lenses. Life is not gonna pass by me while I'm floating in a cloudy fog of pretend and daydreams. What would be the point of my life if I didn't live in the reality of truth.

Reality = Can u handle it?

I recently told a truth to two friends. One could and one couldn't handle it. The one that could said "I know. You're right. I've been thinking about that, actually". The one that couldn't said simply, nothing. Didn't even respond. Acted as though the convo didn't happen. I believe there was a little anger, maybe even resentment there because I could feel the tension in the silence.

Was Couldn't wrong? My gander: Either the truth was too ugly to face so Couldn't shut it out it or Couldn't wanted me to ignore it and I didn't so, in order to keep the peace between us, Couldn't said nothing. I don't think I will ever know because I won't ask. I feel I did my part as a friend and the rest is the responsibility of Couldn't. If you just can't, then don't. But I've laid it all out for you so take that information and do with it what you want.

The party in the wrong would have been me if I had said nothing. As adults, we are responsible for our actions and decisions. As a friend, I feel that it is truly my responsibility to give my friends the truth and to make things clear when I believe they can't see clearly. But what about when they just don't wanna see clearly? Or if they do see everything for what it is but just ignore it in the name of comfort and complacency?

I recently faced a truth about myself. Something I always knew I did but never dealt with it enough to change it. Until recently.

There were times in the past when I would say nothing about certain things to certain people because I didn't want any confrontation. I knew that if I told my opinion or stated what was obvious to someone that didn't want to see it, then there would be a huge rift in the relationship. Is that worth not being not giving a person the straight truth when necessary? Absolutely not. Who knows why I avoided confrontations but that weak, decaying leaf that clung to me done fell off the vine, Baby. A stronger one has grown in its place. It's shiny and green and pretty. And I like it.

Can you handle it?

I challenge you to face a truths this week. Two things you have been trying not to think about because it's too ugly.

Sign Me Up...

I've always been fascinated by Sign Language. I remember seeing a couple signing at Great Adventures and I wished so badly that I could be a part of the conversation. I wanted to Sign! It seemed so mysterious & exotic. Almost like a secret language. I always watch intently at the response of the other person. Are they nodding in agreement? Trying to interject? Watching the other person's hands or making eye contact? Is only one deaf? Is this easy, happy conversation or debate? Are they lovers? Seems so intimate - 'I have to give u my undivided attention for this conversation to work.' Amazing.

Perhaps I shouldn't romanticize this system of communication. After all, those who sign are not doing it by choice. It's a sensitive mechanism learned for a purpose, not for fun and certainly not for my amusement, thank you very much. Am I being patronizing for wanting to watch & thinking it's fantastic? No, I don't believe so. I am grateful that I don't have a need to sign, but I love it nonetheless. So I am gonna continue to watch! Discretely, of course.

Know what else I love? French! Never have I heard the sentence "That croissant would be much better if you warmed it and added butter" sound so sophisticated, sexy. So regal, elegant!I could watch French Kiss 10 times in a day just to hear Juliette say "Enchantée" and to hear her convo with Luke. So delicious. I love the scene near the end when Meg is dancing with Charlie in the french restaurant and he asks to come back home. No, not because it's such a pivotal part of the movie but because the song playing the background. It's Les Yeux Ouverts (Dream A Little Dream of Me) by Beautiful South. I have it on my computers and my MP3 player. I love jazz, but jazz IN French! Oooh Dahlin'! LOL Hey, it's the small things, ya know! LOL

Both of these languages capture my full attention. Therefore, I will be registering at Adult Education for Conversational French & Sign Language Basics. Woo-Hoo! The Fall semester of Adult Ed begins next week and ends Dec. 19. Only $75 for 10 sessions. I've actually been thinking of taking the Sign Language class at Adult Ed for a couple of years but never did. Lo and behold, the Adult Ed calendar came in the mail last week. Registration is in 3 days. I almost missed it. Now I just have to choose which language to take first because they're both on Thurs evening classes at the same time.

I told my Rae (my fantastic sister) that I wanted to take Sign Language. She looked at me like "why in the world do u need to learn Sign Language?". She may have also laughed at me. I told her im gonna cuss her out in Sign Language all day long. Sorta like when Celie told Mister that she and her kids were gonna curse him in African languages. LOL I also told her that the next time we go to the church my father, im gonna go stand next to the lady that translates the sermon in Sign Language and do all the signs I learned in class while she's translating. LOL They better not question me either! Watch! I'm gonna go right over to the corner and show 'em what I got!

Heaven help me, I can see them calling security right now! LOL

"Yes, Sis. Jones. The Pastor did too just say 'My name is Ivy. I have three apples. I live in New Haven."

One Is The Magic Number

I'm sitting in my favorite Thai restaurant having lunch. I love eating in quiet restaurants alone. It's relaxing. Don't be fooled, now! I'm not this pillar of independence. LOL Chile, I still get nervous when changing my hair without Rain's (my sister) approval and sometimes, presence. And I change my hair monthly. But I have been doing more things on my own. This year I started eating alone & going to the movies alone.

My independent ventures do have conditions, however. LOL

Dining Alone: Only in small quiet restaurants at lunch time. During lunch, there are sure to be other Parties of One in the house, leaving me feeling less looser-ish. If saying that alone makes me looser-ish, so what! Kiss my grits! LOL I've only dined at dinner time alone once at a hibachi/sushi restaurant that was awful! Just gross! I shoulda known it wasn't a good choice when I was the second person to walk through the door the entire time. That was actually my first single dining experience. I was on the phone with my friend, Lanie, making this decision. Ever the supportive BFF, she was reassuring me and telling me how wonderful I am to be able to do it and to call her back if I need her. LOL Love that girl.

I'd consider myself a Party of One on an intermediate level. I am in no way a pro. U will not catch this here girl @ any big restaurants! No ma'am! Don't even think of searching my pearly whites at a large popular place like Friday's alone. Lost cause, Baby.

Movies: I've only done this twice. There's only 1 condition when going to the movies. Look fierce! And I mean fantabulous! You're taking yourself on a date! Take out your Sunday's best and spray-starch that sucker good! Shine ya shoes and buff your nails! It feels good!! Try it!

There's only one other customer here right now. He's a Party of One that insists his friend is on his way. Ok, bud! I'm sure! Just say "One Please" And enjoy your meal! Yes, I know the waitress is adorable but I doubt she cares if you're alone! Heck, she looks repulsed that your flirting with her. LOL I bet the poor chile is hoping this mystery "friend" doesn't show so he can leave her establishment. LOL poor thing. He's giving us Party of Ones a bad name! People already think we're unfortunate!

Ok, time to back to work. Hopefully I'll have time to upload this and post it.

Bon Appétit!

Papa Bear

I had a great phone conversation w/ my daddy the other night. I must admit my guilt of not calling him as much as I should. Our recent conversations have been about 2 minutes long. Mainly b/c he always calls me @ work. I work in a busy law firm so personal calls at the wrong time are always really at the wrong time. LOL But that's not his fault. We wouldn't have that problem if I called him more. But yeah, Monday night was nice. About 25 minutes of us just chatting. No big debate. No urgent matters. Nothing too deep.

He asked in his "Dear Ol' Dad voice":

Dada: Are there any problems u wanna lay on your Dad's shoulders?Me: No. Not really. I actually live a pretty drama-free life
Dada: Really wow? How do you do that?

LOL He then went on to tell me the latest adventures in the lives of two people I know. We're not blood related but ya betta believe had we been, I woulda yoked both of 'em up already by now. But that's a wholenother saga & situation.

Yeah, so chit chit chit chat chat chat. Then I asked Daddy:

Me: Is there anything you wanna lay on my shoulders? *chuckle chuckle*
Dada: (fake sobbing) Well actually, I was hoping u would ask! I've been waiting for you to ask me! (he's joking but serious) I'm kinda lonely! (fake sob)

He thinks he was joking but I know he was partly serious. I'm sure he is lonely! He's been in Massachusetts away from, literally, his entire family for over 20 years! Not only away from his mother & siblings but also from his ex-wife, with whom he has a really goof friendship, his 3 children and his grandchildren. As well as his special lady "friend". He's missed so much. Of course he's lonely. My answer to that? Well bring your tail home then! Shoot! I used 2 coo & coddle when he would speak about missing but not anymore! Hello! It's not like you have some binding commitment keeping you away from everyone you love! High-tail it home! LOL

And in no way am I trying to be mean or disrespectful. And forgive me, Daddy, if it is. But if I keep coddling, then he's not gonna see that it's far time for him to come home. He completed his mission in Massachusetts years ago. It's getting dangerous where he lives. It's not as safe as it used to be. It's just time.

That conversation brought this questions: How much do we let fear of a new beginning, or simply change, paralyze us? Is Daddy risking being alone for the remainder of his life because he's afraid to make the first step? Yup! That's it exactly.

And by alone, I don't mean completely isolated from any friends or "family". He does he friends there. Very close friends. He's been there for 20 yeas. And he has the occasional lady friend. But that none of that compares to sitting in your children's home watching them interact with your grandchildren. I know it doesn't.

Why do we let fear paralyze us? It's our life! We make it! So why don't we make it how we want it?

Do me a favor. If you see my Daddy and he says he misses his family, please firmly suck your teeth, furrow your brow and say to him: Then go home!!