Convo w/ 7-Eleven Clerk...

711 Clerk: $7.43 please

Me: Ok here's 7 and I think I have 43 cents. One sec...*frantically searching bottom of black hole pocketbook*

711: Are you always smelling like this?

Me *looking up into his face for clarity b/c I can't believe what I just heard* ...I'm sorry, am I always...what?

711: Smelling. Are you always smelling like this?

Me *combing my  brain to remember what I cooked for dinner while trying to remain cool and uneffected*:  I...ummm..I...what do I smell like? WhaT?!?

711 Clerk: No ma'am. SMILE!! *flashes Kool-Aid smlie* Are you always SMILING like this?

Me:  OOOOH! Smile! Well yes, I usually am.

711 Clerk: Is pretty to see this. Thank you. Have a good night.

LOLOL Chiiiiiile! Talk about communication barrier and breakdown. I'm so glad I didn't act out and show my derrière. Could you imagine? Geeze...

My Day Has Officially Been Made!

(source)

So, of  course, your next step is to Youtube it. The video is equally delicious.

1.  I temporarily passed away when he started singing while she was talking at 0:58.

2.  Was brought back to life by the "longing " and "yearning" in his eyes.

3.  This acting is the stuff of which rainbows and unicorns are made.

4.  His meaningful and emotional lunge in her direction with 

the first "hello" at 1:22 makes my life complete.

5.  The sculpture starting at 4:54...

6. The hand grab at 5:13 *dead again*

7.  The entire video: Hello...is it me you're LOOKING for...? I think we can safely say, no. She's not looking for him. LMBO

OkBye

Convo...between Mommy & Bro-in-law

BIL:  Wow...this is the longest day I've had in 24 hours

Mommy:  It is? Because I think they come in one size fits all

After My Own Heart

see more Monday Through Friday

Ummmm....

Convo w/ Bell Ringer in Walmart Entrance

Heaven help me.....

Yesterday, I ran into Walmart to get something small to satisfy my sweet tooth*. As I'm approaching, I can hear the Bell Ringer standing outside talking LOUDLY on his cell phone. Yes, he's on the phone on a personal call while ring-a-ling-a-linging his Salvation Army bell, wearing his red apron and Santa hat OVER his backwards baseball cap. LOL That alone is a blog in itself. He was talking sooo loud that I could hear the whole conversation over his bell. Needless to say, the first parts of what I heart were so comical and I started walking slower to hear more...

Salvation Army Bell Ringer: "Nah, girl. I can't come by there right now. I'm at a charity event. Gonna be here for a few more hours raising funds. I'll call you when I get in the car...."

I laughed to myself. I, of course, went to put my change in the red bucket thing. After I threw it in, he thanked me:

Salvation Army Bell Ringer: Thanks you so much Ma'am...but would you like to donate some of your time.
Ivy, knowing what's about to go down: I'm Sorry?
Bell-Ringing, Santa-hat Wearing Pimp: I would appreciate if you would donate some of your time to my personal cause..(But wait, it gets better)...Tax-free, girl! *winking*

I just walked away, cracking up!! That was a really, really good one!!! I got a wink and all!!! So I'm standing in line, realizing that I'm gonna have to walk by him again. I was actually amused to see what he would say this time! But when I walk through the doors, he was on the phone AGAIN!!!

Soon-To-Be-Unemployed Salvation Army Bell Ringer: "Hey sweetheart. This is (his name). I've been trying to call you all day, sugar. What's up with that? I'm at a charity event now so I'll call you when I get in the car. Aye, don't have me waiting all night. Trust me, I don't have to wait alone...."

Again, I say, why does this always happen to me? Someone please tell me why I continue to shop at Walmart? It never fails...

So look, clearly, this man is out of a job. Click here to help The Salvation Army recover the losses of hiring this moron.

*"something small to satisfy my sweet tooth" turned into ingredients to make a double chocolate cake with Chocolate Double Cream Frosting, apple fritters, caramel sauce, Breyers Vanilla Ice cream and two slices of cheesecake. LOL And in true Ivy form, I got all that and didn't even eat any of it. I made the cake last night and it's in the fridge untouched. Can I email you a piece?

I Love...

Mel! Not only because she gave me my beautiful Goddaughter but because of comments like this...

Me: Why she gotta be so tacky? And she got the nerve to want $83.00 for these! Tina!

I Like:

Angel
by Dereon

Mel: No she don’t want $83.00 for those shoes she got in bulk from Payless (the dyeables) and had them dyed. No she don’t. Say it ain’t so!!

Love her!