M.Y.O.B.

I witnessed some bullying on a natural hair online community. This poor girl was expressing her contemplation of relaxing her hair because she didn't have the time, patience and funds to invest in her hair. Instead of encouraging her to keep at it, everyone jumped all over this poor girl's case. It was ridiculous the way she was piled upon.  I sent her a private message and told her to do that which best suited her lifestyle. I did share with her my frustrations with my own tempestuous hair and assured her that it gets better and easier, as do most new endeavors in life. But ultimately, she needed to do whatever her life would accommodate.  And I say the same to all new and veteran natural-haired chicas.

Listen, I understand the enthusiasm and comradery that natural hair brings.  I also get being zealous over loving your natural self.  Yo, I'm on it! I preach the same things. But I also understand it may not be for everyone. And that's ok. We are all allowed and supposed to be different.  

*stepping on soapbox* And what makes zero sense to me are those naturals who declare that they are happy with what God gave them and are no longer gonna hide their natural kinks, curls and coils and with vigor, they scorn those who do relax, texturize or get extensions and claim that it is “self-hate” and label them "fake"....all the while,  their face is smothered and shellacked with a crap load of makeup and gunk. Is it not the same thing? Isn’t that the same principle--“artificial enhancement and/or alteration”? God didn't give you that NARS Bronzer on your rouged cheeks! I don't recall Him handing out MAC eyelashes on the side of the gene pool either. Really?  Crimson Kiss Red lips? To all of you natural beauties...at the makeup counter, here's a little something for you. Take your pick and leave everyone else alone. *sliding soapbox under the desk*

For the last 6 or so summers I'd grow my relaxer out and wear my hair curly. And when I was over it, I'd relax it and/or weave or braid it up and revisit the curls again the next summer.  Why? Because relaxers never really worked for me. No matter what I used, my hair would always wave or curl back up, which is always worse in these humid New England summers. It was very difficult for me to keep a straight style for over a week without intense chemical/product or heat manipulation, which just left my hair limp and soggy. My last relaxer was 2008 and that winter I cut it all off. In 2009, I stopped the torture and released this hair to the wild for good. I do believe that I'm natural for life now. I won't relax my hair again because when it was chemically altered, it was just lifeless. Plus, I had less versatility. Knowing me, I may wanna blow it out on Tuesday then rock my curly fro 3 days later then a wig or weave the next week.  I need those options. I get better results following my own desires.  Fortunately for me, this is MY hair on MY head in MY life.

I remember when my boyfriend at time first saw this curly stuff on my head. We began dating the fall before so I was already growing my hair back and he had only seen me in braids. Well, that morning when I walked into his house, he just looked and didn’t’ say a word.  As he was lugging in groceries from my car, he still said nothing but I kept catching him glancing at my head. LOL Mind you, it's not my character to ask what someone thinks of my hair or clothes or shoes because if I'm rocking it, I must be satisfied. And that settles it.  Anyway, I walked into his kitchen to start making our breakfast. Silent Sam was just watching from the kitchen table.  As I'm standing at his sink rinsing a dish or something, he walks close to me and in my ear sings…“Just let your Soul Glo! Just let it shine through!!!! I looked at him and we died laughing. LOLOL That crap was funny.

Were my feelings hurt? Nope! Why? Because I liked it.  And later he admitted that he did too.